There are different kinds of dogs in the world when it comes to being walked. Some dogs are completely indifferent pieces of shit and are perfectly happy to sit on the couch and die. I do not have such a dog. I have Brittany—more precisely, the infinitely more snobby version known as “Brittany-From-A-Rescue—named Amelia. I love Amelia, and she is currently standing here staring at me and smelling of rotting fish from the muddy road puddle she laid in for five minutes last night on her walk that did not contain fish, either rotting or otherwise. 

 have worn clothes every day of my life. There has not been even one single instance where I have gone even twelve hours without putting on at least a sock, and I think this is probably true of almost everyone on every continent on the planet. In fact, from the moment you’re born you’re wrapped in a towel and shoved into a diaper, and the worst experience for both the parents and the infant are the brief moments where nudity is thoroughly unavoidable.