Even on a website dedicated to poetry, the troll of opportunism still guards the bridge to pleasant existence. The only difference is that, on a poetry website, the argument could be made that a massive, crass advertisement for some movie site that will offer you the privilege of paying to see Independence Day: Resurgence, is a profound, poetic satire about the modern abuses of the the written word.
Starting off, I was required to create a profile, which I hate. In fact, I loathe making profiles, and this scabbing task was heavily crusted over because, besides a username, I was forced to add some bit of poetical nonsense. I presume this served the same cultish function as the Dark Mark on the arms of the followers of Lord Voldemort.
The deepest mud I could force my finger-legs to drag themselves through to complete this requirement was the following: "I have been alive for as long as I can remember." It was the only thing I could think of that would express the depths of my indifference.
What I also didn't realize is that this particular website replaces all profanity with **** of appropriate length. Of all the places where the bomb of censorship might do the most damage, I would have thought a poetry website would be a children's hospital for thrice-orphaned refugees. Truly, it was a thrilling display of the peacock feathers of hypocrisy on a website dedicated to the value of written expression.
Also, it makes it particularly challenging for someone like me...
Finally, in order to publish a poem you have to comment on two other people's poems. You are also stridently encouraged in ridiculously flowery font—a decidedly trite and anti-poetic indictment of whoever is running the thing—to be effusively positive. Perhaps even more spectacularly, this person deems it necessary to suggest words and phrases that they think would be most encouraging. I repeat: this is a poetry website—read: "a website expressly created for people who supposedly have a great gift when it comes to the use of the English language." This person's suggestions were so ridiculous that, if you followed their advice, not even the most narcissistic writer on the planet could take you seriously. Actually, they would probably be insulted by your perceived sarcasm.
This is where the advertisements came in handy. If you don't want to go through the commenting process you can pay $2 a month. The only thing I loathe more about websites than making a profile is paying for the privilege of making the profile. Therefore, these little oases of slithering capitalism afforded me the opportunity to deliver my two absurdly phrased comments at the least offendable things on the entire site, thereby achieving the loftiest of goals set forth by the site owners. It was the most poetic thing I could do, really. Even better, the gross advertising ploy of trolling a forum for financial gain provided me with the perfect opportunity to abuse them like my own personal pack mule to save $2. In a way, Essentially, by paying someone to troll the site they paid for my lunch.
Regardless, I think all of this will be a waste of time. I'm horrible at networking.